I really hate a change in schedule not because of the change but because I know what is going to be coming with my son when there is an unexpected change.
Today was a good example of a bad schedule change:
Monday nights are riding lessons (horseback).
The usual schedule:
Pick up grandkids from school, pick up son from school, go home and verbally remind my son that he goes horsebacking riding.
I then give him his afternoon pills.
Husband/dad gets home and then daughter arrives to pickup her children.
We hed to the car as husband/dad heads off to school.
Should be simple but it wasn't today:
husband/dad worked late, daughter called and was gonig to be late.
That was all it took - those two simple changes made for a horrible 30 minutes.
No one was where they were supposed to be.
So he sayd: Im' not going
Mom: yes you are going.
Son: no I'm not it is s free country
Mom - drops it for a little while to see if there is any calming. Did it help? no!
It has been up a notch. Yelling has entered picure and a cuss word here and there but then came the meltdown! He slammed his door so hard he knocked a picture of the wall that hit the piano.
I don't know if he had seen me so upset before. It was like a slap in the face - he was okay after he had picked up and then that was over. He got dressed was talking a teasing and ready to go.
I know it is going to be okay in the end it is the middle that I hate.
From my world to your....
Mary
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Milestones
Miletsones come in many different shapes and forms and are so very exciting when they occur and my son had one Monday evening.
This milestone occurred at his horseback riding lesson.
In order for it to make more sense let me give you some back ground information.
Routine is very important for an autistic child. No changes and no surprises. If there is a change or a surprise they will want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
When my son first started his riding lessons it was the trainer, an assistant and my son. Later another assistant was added. This addition took about 7 months months before the other assistant came along. When she first came my son made sure the lesson was cut short.
With these things in mind let me tell you what happened Monday.
We arrived and noticed there was an extra car there. Yes, he notices small changes like that.
As we walked through the barn there was young girl getting ready to have a lesson and her father was there.
The trainer told my son he would be working with the assistants. He didn't back away or turn around and leave. Rather he went to his horse, mounted, and followed the assistants out into the field.
Even when the lesson was over he stayed on his horse and walked him around some.
One assistant had brought 2 dogs that she had rescued and my son is an animal lover. He volunteered to help her get the dogs out of the stall. I took his service dog out to the car.
He helped her with the dogs. Then the other student came over to look. My son did turn around and walked away. The young girl said something to him. Even though is back was to her she answered as he walked away.
Yes, these were two major milestones. He didn't turn around and and leave when he noticed two new people there and he actually answered the young girl.
The are simple tasks and go without saying for us but for someone with autism it is difficult. A year working with the horse helped get to this miletsone.
Something so simple is a great leap and I'm so thankful for that and grateful that I was there to see it with my own eyes.
From my world to yours.....
Mary
This milestone occurred at his horseback riding lesson.
In order for it to make more sense let me give you some back ground information.
Routine is very important for an autistic child. No changes and no surprises. If there is a change or a surprise they will want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
When my son first started his riding lessons it was the trainer, an assistant and my son. Later another assistant was added. This addition took about 7 months months before the other assistant came along. When she first came my son made sure the lesson was cut short.
With these things in mind let me tell you what happened Monday.
We arrived and noticed there was an extra car there. Yes, he notices small changes like that.
As we walked through the barn there was young girl getting ready to have a lesson and her father was there.
The trainer told my son he would be working with the assistants. He didn't back away or turn around and leave. Rather he went to his horse, mounted, and followed the assistants out into the field.
Even when the lesson was over he stayed on his horse and walked him around some.
One assistant had brought 2 dogs that she had rescued and my son is an animal lover. He volunteered to help her get the dogs out of the stall. I took his service dog out to the car.
He helped her with the dogs. Then the other student came over to look. My son did turn around and walked away. The young girl said something to him. Even though is back was to her she answered as he walked away.
Yes, these were two major milestones. He didn't turn around and and leave when he noticed two new people there and he actually answered the young girl.
The are simple tasks and go without saying for us but for someone with autism it is difficult. A year working with the horse helped get to this miletsone.
Something so simple is a great leap and I'm so thankful for that and grateful that I was there to see it with my own eyes.
From my world to yours.....
Mary
Monday, February 21, 2011
It's in the eyes.
There is a certain look that you begin to recognize and it is not a look that I like to see.
There is just something in his eyes that says: "I don't want to go to school so I'm going to look like I am sick."
How he does it I'm not sure how he does it or when he actually starts but it was there this morning.
I turned around and saw it and I immediatly said: You are going to school!
Pretty soon he was rubbing his eye, then asking if his eye was red (Of course you've been rubbing it), then all the way to: I have pink eye and I can't go to school today.
No you don't but just in case I have some medicine for pink eye.
But he didn't have pink eye and I realized that in something that he said.
Me: I don't have money to take you to the doctor for pink eye.
Son: You don't go to the doctor for pink eye.
There it was - he didn't have pink eye.
He continued to say that his head and eye hurt.
So I gave him tylenol.
After that he started the old trick: You don't love me.
Son: You don't love me.
Me: If I didn't love you I would let you do whatever you wanted.
Son: You don't love me or you would believe me.
Me: I know that you don't want to go school and that you probably do hurt, but you have got to go to school.
Now he is a negotiator and it went something like this:
Son: I'll go to school if you pick me up after first hour.
Me: No comment.
Son: I won't go unless you tell me that you will answer your phone.
Me: No comment.
Son: I'm just going for first hour.
Me: again no comment.
Finally we got down to some of the nitty gritty. I told him he had to go because he had to pass art and he wasn't going to if he didn't attend and o his work and turn it in.
And to be honest not only did he have a meltdown but I had one too.
I guess my meltdown was bigger than his meltdown because he told me he would try and stay all do long.
So now he is at school and I have informed all his teachers what is going on.
From my world to yours....
Mary
There is just something in his eyes that says: "I don't want to go to school so I'm going to look like I am sick."
How he does it I'm not sure how he does it or when he actually starts but it was there this morning.
I turned around and saw it and I immediatly said: You are going to school!
Pretty soon he was rubbing his eye, then asking if his eye was red (Of course you've been rubbing it), then all the way to: I have pink eye and I can't go to school today.
No you don't but just in case I have some medicine for pink eye.
But he didn't have pink eye and I realized that in something that he said.
Me: I don't have money to take you to the doctor for pink eye.
Son: You don't go to the doctor for pink eye.
There it was - he didn't have pink eye.
He continued to say that his head and eye hurt.
So I gave him tylenol.
After that he started the old trick: You don't love me.
Son: You don't love me.
Me: If I didn't love you I would let you do whatever you wanted.
Son: You don't love me or you would believe me.
Me: I know that you don't want to go school and that you probably do hurt, but you have got to go to school.
Now he is a negotiator and it went something like this:
Son: I'll go to school if you pick me up after first hour.
Me: No comment.
Son: I won't go unless you tell me that you will answer your phone.
Me: No comment.
Son: I'm just going for first hour.
Me: again no comment.
Finally we got down to some of the nitty gritty. I told him he had to go because he had to pass art and he wasn't going to if he didn't attend and o his work and turn it in.
And to be honest not only did he have a meltdown but I had one too.
I guess my meltdown was bigger than his meltdown because he told me he would try and stay all do long.
So now he is at school and I have informed all his teachers what is going on.
From my world to yours....
Mary
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Food
Food can be such an interesting topic. Some people eat to live and some live to eat. Where does autism fall in all this?
Cycles. Food cycles to be exact. I always thought my son was the only one to eat one food for days, weeks, and sometimes months. Then he would switch foods.
I thought that until his doctor said she didn't know how parents worked with this type of eating.
What? I'm not alone? No and neither are you.
Here are some of his foods that he cycles:
Pizza. Not just any pizza mind you it has to be pepperoni pizza. And can it be from anywhere? No that would be too easy.
He would ask for a pizza for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
It would get to the point of buying 2 pizzas on Saturday so we would have enough on Sunday.
Now people might says - just don't give him anything else and he'll eat what you are serving.
It doens't work that way. I have seen him go 2 days without eating!
I don't know what it is but they have to have what they want to eat.
We have just left the pizza phase and that has been going for months.
I'd take pizza to school for lunch. We would buy a pizza on the way to a doctor's appointment. Buy one on the way home from school. Pizza was everywhere.
Now we are on McDonald's saugsage biscuits and Butterfinger Blasts from Sonic.
While he is in his early morning gospel class I run to McDonald's and buy 8 sausage biscuits. He will eat 4 at a time. I'll buy 8 so then he'll have 4 to eat before he goes to bed. He doens't eat them after school because that is when he has to have his Sonic Blast.
When he was younger it was fish sticks with 3 times as much ketchup as there were fish sticks.
Scrambled eggs are another cycle. Not just scrambled but scrambled eggs that are cooked all the way until they are dry. Then they have to be covered in pepper! Every little piece of egg has to have pepper on it.
Once it was chili and cheese. Not just a little cheese either. Cheese had to be melted into the chili and then there had to be melted cheese on top. Let me tell you - that was quite a trick sometimes.
Nachos. You got it. Doritoes covered in cheese. I sometimes thought I should just put a bunch of cheese on a plate and melt it and hand him a fork.
You may be thinking how in the world do you pay for this? That is a good question. I save every dime and I'll buy him food before I will eat out. Extreme? Maybe?
But this is my normal.
From my world to yours.....
Mary
Cycles. Food cycles to be exact. I always thought my son was the only one to eat one food for days, weeks, and sometimes months. Then he would switch foods.
I thought that until his doctor said she didn't know how parents worked with this type of eating.
What? I'm not alone? No and neither are you.
Here are some of his foods that he cycles:
Pizza. Not just any pizza mind you it has to be pepperoni pizza. And can it be from anywhere? No that would be too easy.
He would ask for a pizza for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
It would get to the point of buying 2 pizzas on Saturday so we would have enough on Sunday.
Now people might says - just don't give him anything else and he'll eat what you are serving.
It doens't work that way. I have seen him go 2 days without eating!
I don't know what it is but they have to have what they want to eat.
We have just left the pizza phase and that has been going for months.
I'd take pizza to school for lunch. We would buy a pizza on the way to a doctor's appointment. Buy one on the way home from school. Pizza was everywhere.
Now we are on McDonald's saugsage biscuits and Butterfinger Blasts from Sonic.
While he is in his early morning gospel class I run to McDonald's and buy 8 sausage biscuits. He will eat 4 at a time. I'll buy 8 so then he'll have 4 to eat before he goes to bed. He doens't eat them after school because that is when he has to have his Sonic Blast.
When he was younger it was fish sticks with 3 times as much ketchup as there were fish sticks.
Scrambled eggs are another cycle. Not just scrambled but scrambled eggs that are cooked all the way until they are dry. Then they have to be covered in pepper! Every little piece of egg has to have pepper on it.
Once it was chili and cheese. Not just a little cheese either. Cheese had to be melted into the chili and then there had to be melted cheese on top. Let me tell you - that was quite a trick sometimes.
Nachos. You got it. Doritoes covered in cheese. I sometimes thought I should just put a bunch of cheese on a plate and melt it and hand him a fork.
You may be thinking how in the world do you pay for this? That is a good question. I save every dime and I'll buy him food before I will eat out. Extreme? Maybe?
But this is my normal.
From my world to yours.....
Mary
Friday, February 18, 2011
Will I Jinx It and Driver's Ed
Everytime I have said: "We've had a couple of pretty good days" it seems to go down hill in the very next moment.
So I hestitantly say: "We've had a couple of pretty good days!"
He has gone to school without argument and actually stayed in school all day yesterday and today.
He has not argued with me and we've had some good laughs together.
With that being said I sure hope tomorrow will not go to pieces.
I received an email today about ABA - Applied Behavior Analysis.
It was forwarded through a couple of support groups until it reached our support group.
She has recently graduated and has her own business. She will come into your home and help you with a behavior plan and will also consult with your school.
I did contact her and I will send her more information on my son. She only takes military insurance but has a reduced rate for private pay.
I've worked with with a person who specialized in ABA and they are wonderful and work perfectly with the school system but that time it was with a nonprofit agency.
To be honest - it would turn me into a nervous wreck for her to come into our home because I know that I have a lot of improvement on my part.
I would love for her to consult with the school.
I don't know if this is just in my state or every state but we applied tot eh State Department of Rehabilitation.
They not only help with finding work but they help with Driver's Ed and school.
We did the intake Wednesday and we should have the paper work to sign next week. Once I send that back in then the instuctor will interview my son and decide if he thinks he is ready for the driver's ed training. If he thinks he is ready then they will help him not only to drive but study for the written exam.
I do hope they say he is ready. I don't want to get his license right now but his driving permit.
From my world to yours...
Mary
So I hestitantly say: "We've had a couple of pretty good days!"
He has gone to school without argument and actually stayed in school all day yesterday and today.
He has not argued with me and we've had some good laughs together.
With that being said I sure hope tomorrow will not go to pieces.
I received an email today about ABA - Applied Behavior Analysis.
It was forwarded through a couple of support groups until it reached our support group.
She has recently graduated and has her own business. She will come into your home and help you with a behavior plan and will also consult with your school.
I did contact her and I will send her more information on my son. She only takes military insurance but has a reduced rate for private pay.
I've worked with with a person who specialized in ABA and they are wonderful and work perfectly with the school system but that time it was with a nonprofit agency.
To be honest - it would turn me into a nervous wreck for her to come into our home because I know that I have a lot of improvement on my part.
I would love for her to consult with the school.
I don't know if this is just in my state or every state but we applied tot eh State Department of Rehabilitation.
They not only help with finding work but they help with Driver's Ed and school.
We did the intake Wednesday and we should have the paper work to sign next week. Once I send that back in then the instuctor will interview my son and decide if he thinks he is ready for the driver's ed training. If he thinks he is ready then they will help him not only to drive but study for the written exam.
I do hope they say he is ready. I don't want to get his license right now but his driving permit.
From my world to yours...
Mary
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I should have known.....
Or should I have known?
Yesterday morning my son was not very excited about going to school. I was giving him his time line as to when we would be leaving when...
In kind of a "poor me" voice he said:
"Mom, I'm going to go feed the cows."
He never tells me when he is going to feed the cows and I usually have to remind him. Should a danger signal gone off in my head? I still haven't come to an answer on that question.
To continue,
A few minutes later he was outside my door crying:
"Mom, hurry."
Never the words I want to hear.
I stepped out of my bathroom to see, what on his forehead, but blood. He said he tripped and hit his head when he was feeding the cows and now there was no way he was going to go to school looking like that.
I clean up his face and told him he looked fine now lets go.
If you're wondering "did he make through the day?" No he didn't. Just half of the day.
This is not the end though.
I came home last night after teaching my class at church just to hear:
Son: Mom remember my long sleeved shirt?
Me: Yes, why are you asking?
Son: It was torn to shreads when I was feeding the cows. I leaned in to pour the feed and caught my shirt on the barbed wire and now my shirt is gone.
My first response was: You are going to school tomorrow so go find another shirt.
That was no easy task since he only wears two different shirts and he hasn't worn his other long sleeved shirt in two weeks so he didn't know where it was.
Is he abnormal of hurting oneself to get out of school a normal in my world? I think it is.
From my world to yours...
Mary
Yesterday morning my son was not very excited about going to school. I was giving him his time line as to when we would be leaving when...
In kind of a "poor me" voice he said:
"Mom, I'm going to go feed the cows."
He never tells me when he is going to feed the cows and I usually have to remind him. Should a danger signal gone off in my head? I still haven't come to an answer on that question.
To continue,
A few minutes later he was outside my door crying:
"Mom, hurry."
Never the words I want to hear.
I stepped out of my bathroom to see, what on his forehead, but blood. He said he tripped and hit his head when he was feeding the cows and now there was no way he was going to go to school looking like that.
I clean up his face and told him he looked fine now lets go.
If you're wondering "did he make through the day?" No he didn't. Just half of the day.
This is not the end though.
I came home last night after teaching my class at church just to hear:
Son: Mom remember my long sleeved shirt?
Me: Yes, why are you asking?
Son: It was torn to shreads when I was feeding the cows. I leaned in to pour the feed and caught my shirt on the barbed wire and now my shirt is gone.
My first response was: You are going to school tomorrow so go find another shirt.
That was no easy task since he only wears two different shirts and he hasn't worn his other long sleeved shirt in two weeks so he didn't know where it was.
Is he abnormal of hurting oneself to get out of school a normal in my world? I think it is.
From my world to yours...
Mary
Monday, February 14, 2011
Transitions
I don't know the official definition of "transition" but for us it is moving from one activity to another and it isn't easy.
It seems like it should be. We do it all the time every day. We take kids to school, go home, go to work, go shoppping, make phone calls and the list conitnues. For us it is a realitively simple thing to do. You finish one activity and start the next but for our kids it is not so simple.
My son does not transition well at all even if it is something he wants to do and enjoys.
I have many examples but here is one off the top of my head:
He has therapy horseback riding on Monday evenings. He loves it and I love watching him. The first time he galloped he had the biggest smile on his face. It was a moment to cherish.
So it should be easy and I wish it was but after school he is usually getting rid of tension by working with wood, stacking wood anything that is active. Then if I don't prepare him when it is time to leave he will put up the biggest fit you have seen. Why - because he can't just leave one acitivity to go to another. I wish I knew why or understood a little bit better but because I don't I've learned to prepare.
You may be wondering how I do that - let me tell you. For horseback riding I start on Sunday reminding him that he goes riding on Monday and I tell him he is going to go and he tells me yes he is going to to.
Again on Monday morning I tell him he has riding and he is going to go. I also remind him that we need to leave by 5:30 and he is going to go. He again tells me that yes, he is going to go riding.
I pick him up from school and tell him yet again that he has riding. As the time draws closer I give him increments of time. We are leaving in 30 minutes, 15 minutes now we have to leave.
During that period when I am infoming him of how much time we have before we leave he is telling me that he doesn't want to go and I can't make him.
He doesn't want to do this any more can't he stay home. And continues until we are in the car, that sometimes is a miracle in itself, and are half way there. Now he is relaxing and thinking about riding.
Once we arrive he is ready.
What is the new normal here? I don't just remind but I have to prepare my son days in advance.
This difficulty in transitioning really was made clear last year in school - changing class rooms every hour. Boy those were hourly challenges for the teachers and if they didn't understand then it was more than a challange.
When the bell would ring he would not leave the current classroom to go to the next class. He could think up any reason to stay. He needed to sharpen his pencil, stop and talk to the teacher about history (one of his favorites) or just stand around.
Some teachers would walk him to the next class and that helped out tremendously. Several teachers would just tell him it is time to go, so get.
It must be a living nightmare for kids with Asperger's Syndrome or any form of autism to transition 7-8 times a day.
Sometimes I even start reminding him that Sunday is coming up and we are going to church.
Preperation is one of the keys. How to prepare is often discovered during prayer to our Heavenly Father.
I have another thought to post so until then
From my world to yours......
Mary
It seems like it should be. We do it all the time every day. We take kids to school, go home, go to work, go shoppping, make phone calls and the list conitnues. For us it is a realitively simple thing to do. You finish one activity and start the next but for our kids it is not so simple.
My son does not transition well at all even if it is something he wants to do and enjoys.
I have many examples but here is one off the top of my head:
He has therapy horseback riding on Monday evenings. He loves it and I love watching him. The first time he galloped he had the biggest smile on his face. It was a moment to cherish.
So it should be easy and I wish it was but after school he is usually getting rid of tension by working with wood, stacking wood anything that is active. Then if I don't prepare him when it is time to leave he will put up the biggest fit you have seen. Why - because he can't just leave one acitivity to go to another. I wish I knew why or understood a little bit better but because I don't I've learned to prepare.
You may be wondering how I do that - let me tell you. For horseback riding I start on Sunday reminding him that he goes riding on Monday and I tell him he is going to go and he tells me yes he is going to to.
Again on Monday morning I tell him he has riding and he is going to go. I also remind him that we need to leave by 5:30 and he is going to go. He again tells me that yes, he is going to go riding.
I pick him up from school and tell him yet again that he has riding. As the time draws closer I give him increments of time. We are leaving in 30 minutes, 15 minutes now we have to leave.
During that period when I am infoming him of how much time we have before we leave he is telling me that he doesn't want to go and I can't make him.
He doesn't want to do this any more can't he stay home. And continues until we are in the car, that sometimes is a miracle in itself, and are half way there. Now he is relaxing and thinking about riding.
Once we arrive he is ready.
What is the new normal here? I don't just remind but I have to prepare my son days in advance.
This difficulty in transitioning really was made clear last year in school - changing class rooms every hour. Boy those were hourly challenges for the teachers and if they didn't understand then it was more than a challange.
When the bell would ring he would not leave the current classroom to go to the next class. He could think up any reason to stay. He needed to sharpen his pencil, stop and talk to the teacher about history (one of his favorites) or just stand around.
Some teachers would walk him to the next class and that helped out tremendously. Several teachers would just tell him it is time to go, so get.
It must be a living nightmare for kids with Asperger's Syndrome or any form of autism to transition 7-8 times a day.
Sometimes I even start reminding him that Sunday is coming up and we are going to church.
Preperation is one of the keys. How to prepare is often discovered during prayer to our Heavenly Father.
I have another thought to post so until then
From my world to yours......
Mary
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